Sleepless Night
Hullo~
Hmm… another post, I must be crazy or overdose on medicine… but anyway, I’m wide and awake at this hour because I’ve just finished the stupid Literature assignment! It’s not bad actually, as it was quite enjoyable and very informative – except the part where my friend and I have to rush our asses off like running a car over the ledge. But then again, I manage to go this friend’s house during the last day for us to work, which is an honour since his house has yet to be seen by ANY of his friends!
As if that’s of any interest…
Anyway, I’m gonna be free for awhile till the next assignment due – which is next Thursday! But that wouldn’t be so stressful – I hope. In any case, I plan to enjoy myself tomorrow (Friday) as it is my best friend’s birthday! Not sure what to get her yet…. but meh!
In the mean time, I’ll engage myself with more… entertaining activities…
*blink*
*blink*
*blink*
It’s online games people, so don’t think too far.
Last Week...
It’s been awhile, but as usual nothing interesting has been going on except the rush to finish my Literature assignment – we have to write this critical analysis for the book Deliverance. Interestingly enough, this is one of the few classical novels that I liked to read – most of the time, fantasy stories are my number one must-read – and there’s also man-rape in this book too.
But that’s beside the point.
Sometime last week – Thursday I think – I was out in KLCC after my class hours to meet up with some fellow bloggers. It is always a wonderful experience to meet with new bloggers, but I have to admit that I’m unusually quiet every first meeting (and maybe a few after that too). It’s probably due to the fact that most of you are older than me, and that in a way that made me feel awkward – or rather insignificant. But anyway, it was a pleasure meeting Alex and Ru!
The whole day we were just hanging out in KLCC, doing nothing but chat, shopping, and the usual – for me it would be checking out guys. It was kinda embarrassing that I only found out that Ru is a writer on that day! I should have been more attentive, and maybe I would have gotten the books he had written – which is not sold here in blardy Malaysia (Not even in Singapore, after having KH checking for me)! But all in all – I have to stress again – it’s really nice that I meet up with you all, though I have to apologise for my tiredness that day, and my weird habit of drawing in the middle of conversation – which I know is rude, sorry!
Well, that about sum up the event that happened in the afternoon. In the evening, Legolas and Kitjar joined up with us to have dinner, but sadly, Alex have to leave for home! At around 9.00 pm – when everyone decided to leave – I was not surprised that I have to pay a frigging Rm16 for the parking fees. Someone have to launch a report against KLCC regarding that!
Forgotten Memories
As we grow up, we tend to forget our origin – or rather our childhood.
This applies to me as well, but I know that my younger days have a lot to do with animes; Digimon being my favourite since I’ve first watched it. Childish – I know – but I don’t really care on what people think of it. Sad to say though, as my life proceeds, I’ve forgot all the lovely fantasy worlds created by animated moving pictures. People change; friends are forgotten as new ones took place. Things that you love are replaced by things that are more material. And the innocence of mind is corrupted by the foul societies that surround us.
There’s nothing in this world that could return us to our former innocence…
Perhaps there would be hope somewhere in the depth of our heart…
And maybe someday –
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PS: Haha what a weird post after so many months of absence, and I don’t really know why I wrote this! But in any case, it’s a start to revive my blog again! Not sure if I’m gonna get one up real soon though, but we’ll see! ^^
Eventful Week
The last post was really uncalled for… I guess mood swing and added depression made me write things like that! But anyway, we’ve talked about it a few days back. And so far we’re still happy together – I guess that post of mine was something very stupid of me to do!
In any case, this whole week of Chinese New Year break has been an interesting one for me…
Everyday, I’ve been going out from morning till late at night. Everyday. Without fail. Most of the time it was spent with my boyfriend of course – I couldn’t stop thinking about him, he’s just too… I don’t know what word to use. There are just too many words to describe him! And that, often time made me wonder if I truly deserve him.
Well, beside that, my holidays are spent going around to friends’ house, getting additional angpow, I mean *ahem* visiting my friends. Again, I must stressed, that I’m outside mostly because I want to spend valuable time with my boyfriend. He even came over to my place to stay for the night, but unfortunately, I think that got him into a major trouble with his parent – I feel so at fault, no matter what he had said.
As luck has it, on the Saturday of the holiday week, it’s unfortunate enough that my dad just have to message me one of the usual “threatening sms” because I was not back yet at 1 in the morning. Because my mind was deep in thoughts, the message ticked me off a lot. Hence, a phone call was made and again, I was depressed.
On the way back home to drop off my boyfriend, it was again unfortunate that we run into a police road block. Fine, delayed. But when they check on my car, I was directed to the side of the road. Why? My road tax was expired. Wonderful. Again, I have to call my dad, even after the minor argument, words were exchanged with the police officer, bribes were given – you get the gist.
What I’m pissed, is how efficient Malaysian police are!
When the bribe was passed to him, he said, and I’m translating this from Malay, “No one would know of this bribe, only the God would know.”
The nerve! I hope his God would strike him!
Bah!
Anyway, when I get home, my dad was not angry at it – that’s because his own car’s road tax was expired a month ago. Guess the forgetful syndrome runs in the family. Unexpectedly though, my sister managed to corner me that night and talked about my behaviour of going out every night, and in the end, I came out to her, and told her that I have someone important – my boyfriend – that I will see everyday if I must.
Oh another person to add to my list of people whom I had came out to!
However, her reply was, “Why do you have to go and start all these things?”
Guess I was right; I knew that she was homophobic, although she blatantly denied it. There were just too many hints that showed how much she does not like homosexuality. But of course, her following opinions practically went out my left ear when it came in from the right. Then again, I’m glad that she doesn’t tell me to quit – although she did suggest going to a psychiatrist…
Whatever.
Right now, I’m with my boyfriend, and that is all that matters.
Thoughts within a Mind, Barred with Concrete Steel
The Chinese New Year season! In this festive event, my parents had been awfully commanding with how things are placed around the house… Days before, renovation was done, the altar was cleaned, house were swept (with a lot of nagging from my mom), food was bought, new clothes was washed, money was withdrawn from bank, and I was sitting in front of the computer playing some games!
This year I’ve managed to get quite a bit of ang pow (or red packets) and my sister has came back from Australia to celebrate with us! But like always… the mood of festivities does not register to my challenged mind – except having extra time for myself. But that’s beside the point… unlike everyone who is writing up a post on how their new year has been so far, I’m posting up on something that had been lingering at the edge of my consciousness…
Yes, perhaps this would not have been a perfect time or the rightful place to say anything… but like everyone thinks, the blog is a place for us to release our worries and words locked within the very bring… So, I’m giving a chance for my readers to skip this next part, which I must warn you, it’s very emotional...
~ Do skip ahead to the next divider if you decide to heed my warning ~
Has anyone ever been insecure?
Stupid question, I know. But its necessary to begin the string of thoughts or worries that had been clouding my better judgement.
I have always thought of my first relationship would be a lasting relationship... selfish? Probably! But in all candors, I know that such wishful thinking has only a very slight chance of happening... Perhaps some of you might know that I have a boyfriend by now (Yes, me, Chris, is now attached!), and I must admit, that I’m crazy over this particular guy... so much so that I would really go against the very fiber my parents had built upon me.
However... as I get to know him more from day to day… I feel more... insecure... like there’s a big chance that he would leave me for another guy... or am I the right guy for him?
Its not thatI have no faith in him… it’s more like I have zero confidence in myself… being a guy who does not match his criteria or his expectations, I get more worry as we open more to one another… Just an hour ago, when we were with a friend for a mamak session... we came across topics of who we admire or who we would want to meet the most... obviously, I wasn’t in his list...
Ugh... I’ve already lost my train of thoughts at this point… I seriously have no idea what to think now... no matter what words is exchanged, I feel so depressed... so apprehensive... maybe I shouldn’t mention this, but on the way back home after dropping him off, I was at the point of crying...
Why am I being so sentimental?
Seriously... I really want him to be happy... I don't want him to regret it or anything... But who am I to say...
~ Le End ~
In any case, this post was not meant to make my boyfriend feel guilty about anything he had never done... In all honesty, I’m so happy – more than overjoyed – that he had even accepted me... Maybe I’m just being pessimistic, I don’t know. Thinking too much has always been my fault... and also the fact that I seldom voice out my emotion… this would most probably my first and last – although no guarantee – on post such as this...
But whatever the case, here I would like to wish a very Happy Chinese New Year to all of you out there! And even though I’m attached, I’m still single! So you married couples, well, you know what to do! *hands held outstretched*
Gong Xi Fa Cai! Hong Pao Na Lai!
Rant No.2: Escalation in Weight
Call me pathetic or whatever... but seriously, I’ve gained weight rather than losing it after going to the gym! *swear rudely* Perhaps it’s because of me eating too many meals nowadays, or maybe too many food consumption for every sitting, but whatever it is, this agenda is making me so self-conscious!
Just yesterday, I walloped a bowl of porridge and as well as a bowl of prawn mee during breakfast! And if it weren’t for my conscience, I would have ordered the wanton mee as well!! I swear… I have to find other means to satiate my appetite or I’m gonna revert back to my no-breakfast-and-lunch rule!
But if I do so, I’m sure a certain someone will kill me for it because I’m not eating well... Argh!
Decision, decision!
Faces Behind the Blogs
It is always a pleasure to meet with other Bloggers around the neighborhood... I admit; it is one of the reasons why I have made this blog – to get to know more gay men in this harsh society. It is also through this blog that I’ve met with a special someone... much thanks to KW for being the person who inspired me to start my very own blog!
So~
Just recently I’ve met with two other bloggers, which I’m sure most would know:
Paul and
Legolas!
My first impression? Haha I seriously thought you two were going out... but do forgive me in thinking so... I have this absurd mentality in which two men together are considered a couple to me! And coincidentally, the both of you are shopping in G2000! I was poking
Derek on it, but he assured me that the two of you are not together...
It is thus decided that I’m an official nonsensical, asinine person – as if I wasn’t already!
Anyway, the chatty session we had at the food outlet – Mar’che I think – was really funny! Can’t believe we’re gossiping and bitching or rather you all did, while I was being quiet! Such an anti-social guy I am… I make that up though! With err... with...
Nevermind...
In any case, its great fun getting to see you two in person finally! And hopefully, we’ll get to meet up more! Plus, I want to fulfill my side of deal – treating you guys for breakfast or lunch or dinner!
Faces behind the blogs indeed!
